A Simple Question
This will only take a few minutes. Answer honestly—no one’s watching.
Do you consider yourself open-minded?
Take a moment. What’s your honest answer?
Most people say yes. We like to think of ourselves as reasonable, curious, willing to consider new ideas. It’s a good quality. It means we’re not rigid or closed off.
Here’s another one:
When was the last time you actively sought out information that contradicted something you believe?
Not stumbled across it. Deliberately looked for it.
Hmm. That one’s harder, isn’t it?
If we’re truly open-minded, we’d regularly expose ourselves to opposing viewpoints. We’d read the other side’s arguments. We’d welcome having our beliefs challenged.
But most of us don’t do that. We scroll past the articles that challenge us. We unfollow the people who disagree. We curate our information to confirm what we already think.
So which is true? Are we open-minded, or aren’t we?
Let’s Try a Few More
Read these pairs. See if any feel… familiar.
Notice anything? These aren’t character flaws. They’re not signs of being a bad person. Nearly everyone has some version of these.
What we believe about ourselves and what we actually do don’t always line up.
And right now, as you read this, your brain is probably doing something interesting. It’s trying to explain the gap. “Well, I do care about my health, I just…” or “That’s different because…”
That’s not a problem. That’s actually the point.
What Your Brain Is Doing Right Now
There’s a name for this. That uncomfortable tension when your beliefs don’t match your behavior. That mental wriggle trying to reconcile two contradictory things you hold simultaneously.
This is Cognitive Dissonance
The mental discomfort experienced when holding two or more contradictory beliefs, values, or behaviors at the same time. First described by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957.
And here’s what’s fascinating: your brain hates this feeling.
Not mildly dislikes it. Hates it. The discomfort of holding contradictions is so unpleasant that your brain will do almost anything to make it stop. It will rationalize, minimize, forget, or reframe—whatever it takes to resolve the tension.
Festinger discovered that when people are forced to behave contrary to their beliefs, they don’t just feel bad—they actually change their beliefs to match their behavior. The brain would rather rewrite its own values than sit with contradiction.
This isn’t weakness. This is how all human brains work. Including yours. Including mine.
We all walk around with dozens of these contradictions, most of which we never notice because our brains are so good at smoothing them over.
Why This Matters
Here’s where it gets interesting.
When we experience cognitive dissonance, we have to resolve it somehow. Our brain won’t let us just sit in the contradiction forever. So we pick a path.
Change the Belief to Match the Behavior
“I don’t really care about health that much anyway.” “One person can’t really impact the environment.” “Everyone performs online, it’s just how things are.” The belief softens until the contradiction disappears.
Rationalize the Contradiction Away
“I’ll start exercising next month.” “I’m doing other things for the environment.” “My online self is still authentically me.” We add justifications until the contradiction feels resolved—even when nothing actually changed.
Change the Behavior to Match the Belief
Actually go to the gym. Actually reduce consumption. Actually be more authentic. This requires effort, discomfort, and sustained action. It’s harder than just thinking differently about it. Most people avoid this.
Sit With It. Learn From It.
Don’t rush to resolve the dissonance. Ask: What is this contradiction teaching me? Maybe your stated belief isn’t actually your real belief. Maybe your behavior is revealing something true about your priorities. The dissonance itself is information.
Most people take the first two paths. Automatically. Without even noticing.
But the people who grow—who actually change—are the ones who catch themselves in the moment of dissonance and choose to pay attention to it instead of smoothing it over.
The Dissonance Is The Teacher
Here’s the insight that changes things:
Your cognitive dissonances reveal your actual priorities.
Not what you say you value. What you actually value. Because behavior doesn’t lie. If you say you value health but don’t take care of your body, one of those things isn’t true. Either you don’t actually value health (and that’s okay to admit), or something else is getting in the way that’s worth examining.
Let me give you a real example.
Someone recently realized they had a contradiction: “I believed I was too independent to need anyone’s guidance. I don’t read how-to articles. I figure things out myself.” But when they looked at their actual behavior? They were constantly seeking frameworks, asking for advice from people they trusted, reading guides on topics they cared about. The dissonance revealed something important: they weren’t anti-guidance—they were anti-bad-guidance. They’d accept help, but only from sources that respected their intelligence. That’s a useful distinction. One they couldn’t see until they noticed the contradiction.
The contradiction wasn’t a flaw to fix. It was information to use.
What you believe about yourself versus what you actually do = the gap where self-knowledge lives.
Using This as a Tool
So how do you actually use cognitive dissonance instead of just experiencing it?
Notice the Contradiction
Catch yourself when your stated belief doesn’t match your behavior. This is harder than it sounds—your brain is very good at hiding these from you. Look for the moments when you say “I’m the kind of person who…” and then ask: Is that true? What does my behavior actually show?
Don’t Immediately Rationalize
Your first instinct will be to explain it away. Resist that. Sit with the discomfort for a moment. Let it exist without rushing to resolve it. The rationalization is your brain trying to protect you from an uncomfortable truth.
Ask: What Is This Teaching Me?
The contradiction is data. What does it reveal about your actual priorities? Your fears? Your protections? Sometimes the belief is wrong. Sometimes the behavior is wrong. Sometimes both need updating. The dissonance tells you where to look.
Choose Your Response
Update the belief to match reality. Or change the behavior to match the belief. Or accept that you hold contradictions (we all do) and let that be okay. What you don’t want to do is pretend the contradiction doesn’t exist.
This isn’t about being perfect or consistent all the time. That’s impossible. It’s about being aware. About catching the moments when your brain is quietly rewriting your beliefs to avoid the discomfort of being wrong.
You can rationalize it away and forget this by tomorrow.
Or you can sit with it. See what it’s trying to show you.
The contradictions in your life aren’t failures. They’re invitations.
What Contradictions Have You Discovered?
Where does your self-narrative not match your reality?
Share what you’ve noticed. We learn from each other’s discoveries.